Sheet Music by ???
Net-out by Jess Martin
Summary
Leman does a good job casting a vision for what sex within a marriage can and should be like. His insistence on the importance of a healthy sex life was helpful. It's not new information necessarily, but it was presented way that was easy to hear.
Self-Assessment
So, how's our sex life? Presently, I'd give it a 4/10. At it's best, it's probably only ever been a 5/10 or 6/10. We've struggled from pretty much the beginning with a variety of factors.
We've talked about it. We've prayed about it. At this point, it feels like we're both willing to settle for mediocrity: infrequent, often uncomfortable for E, largely uninspiring, and dependent on the whims of E's feelings.
The Downward Spiral
Sex seems to mainly happen only when the stars align perfectly. Because everything has to work perfectly in order for sex to work out, I tend to not initiate often, but simply wait on E to let me know she's ready, which could be stretches of several weeks. I'm often anxious and fear that one misstep will ruin the opportunity, causing us to have to wait a few more weeks. When things shut down, they shut down completely.
Actionable Steps for Improvement
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Communicate about sex– We don't talk openly about sex often. At least not about sex in the future. We talk about the past or present frustrations, but usually not about what we'd like to do or how either of us are feeling in terms of levels of arousal.
- Try "You know what I would love to try sometime?"
- Find out which of the 4 areas of seduction each of us prefers: visual, kinesthetic, auditory, and relational.
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Make time for sex– Schedule time to be together regularly. Plan and prepare for it. Take opportunities to be without the kids simply in order to enjoy one another.
- Make sex a regularly scheduled part of our lives together - or at least build in the margins where it can happen.
- Plan a sex vacation. Go somewhere fun and structure the time with ample time in bed.
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Seek help for E– E has struggled with some of the misconceptions that are mentioned in the book and has struggled to see sex as mutual service, seeking to please the partner primarily. We may need counseling in this area.