Family Shepherds

“three-legged stool” of discipleship. These three supports are (1) godly, mature men and women in the church; (2) godly, manly pastors and elders; and (3) biblically functioning homes. (Location 357)

By God’s grace, believers are conformed to the image of Christ. This transformation is not something reserved for super Christians; this is the essence of the Christian life for all. (Location 384)

God’s design is for godly, mature men and women to impact the lives of younger believers. (Location 394)

How could we possibly be serious about elders modeling biblical family life to the benefit of their flock if an evaluation of the elder’s home and family is never approached? (Location 437)

The teaching ministry of the elders is therefore linked directly to defending the discipling ministry that’s carried out specifically in families. (Location 477)

There is thus a synergy between strong Christian homes and strong churches, with the ministry of the family shepherd serving as an indispensable element in the health, well-being, and future of the church. (Location 504)

Ken and Barbara barely know their children. The family’s lifestyle is rife with today’s typical cultural patterns that separate parents from children both at home and at church. These patterns usually go unnoticed by Christian families until a crisis arises, (Location 532)

The problem is that this family is in the same house, but they never share the same space. They share an address and a last name, but they don’t share life. (Location 544)

it’s important that we recognize the synergy between what we do as churches and what people do in their families. It’s quite unreasonable to assume that things can continue to hinder family discipleship on a corporate level and yet allow us to see success on a personal level. The things we do corporately will go a long way toward determining how much we can expect to change privately. (Location 550)

families like the Joneses don’t get relief from their isolation when they go to church—they actually have the isolation reinforced! (Location 574)

What he did communicate to them was this: “The professional ministers at church are your spiritual leaders; they’re the ones to whom you must look for vision, direction, and guidance.” (Location 598)

Mr. Jones has no idea that there’s a problem, let alone how to fix it. (Location 604)

In short, the Gospel is the life-altering news that Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God, became man, lived a sinless life under the Law, died for sinners, and rose again to reconcile them to himself, eternally victorious over every enemy that stood between God and man. (Location 723)

The gospel is news, first and foremost. (Location 741)

we don’t “live” the gospel; we proclaim it. (Location 743)

“Gospel is and should be nothing else than a discourse or story about Christ.” (Location 767)

there’s no gospel without the cross. The cross is where the message of the gospel is rooted in history and filled with theological significance. There we see an event that occurred in a real place, at a real time, before real witnesses. (Location 779)

The gospel is good news precisely because it is grace-centered. (Location 793)

We must know the difference between what the gospel requires and what the gospel produces. (Location 803)

All the gospel requires from us is repentance and faith. (Location 806)

what the gospel produces is obedience to all the Lord’s commands. (Location 819)

Jesus associates the keeping of his commandments with abiding in his love (John 15:10), not trying to earn it. (Location 830)

family ties are temporal, and it’s our ties to the body of Christ that matter eternally. (Location 853)

We’re all fallen creatures. Perfection is a hope we hold out for the age to come. In the meantime, we enjoy progressive sanctification while we praise God for making us more Christlike from day to day. (Location 855)

“In the catechism, we have a very exact, direct, and short way to the whole Christian religion.” (Location 891)

websites—these churches all claim to believe that “parents are the ‘primary’ disciplers” of children, and that the professionals exist only to “come alongside” mom and dad. However, a quick glance at the schedules, curricula, and structures reveals the truth. They’re providing the whole enchilada, and any family committed to participating fully will have little time to implement what I’m advocating here. (Location 984)

try to picture what your spiritual life would be like if you didn’t have all the “professionals.” (Location 989)

Many a pastor could testify to the anguish experienced by men and women who were manipulated into a “decision” at a young age only to realize later that they never understood the gospel, and therefore saw no fruit whatsoever as a result of their “decision.” The result is often a recurring cycle of doubt, recommitment, rededication, then more doubt. (Location 1006)

Regular family worship may well have greater impact on the spiritual life of a man’s family than any other practice he commits himself to. (Location 1036)

If you’re like most men I know, you didn’t grow up seeing these concepts lived out; your father didn’t lead your family in regular family devotions. (Location 1049)

Nothing will spur a father toward godly, spiritual discipline in his own walk with Christ more than leading his family in worship. (Location 1100)

A godly woman will be encouraged and inspired as she sees her husband take responsibility and lead in family worship. (Location 1102)

Reading and memorizing Scripture and the catechisms of the church results in incredible development of children, both spiritually and intellectually. (Location 1104)

What families regard as important is evidenced by the manner in which they spend their time. (Location 1105)

“If I say to the wicked, O wicked one, you shall surely die, and you do not speak to warn the wicked to turn from his way, that wicked person shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at your hand” (Ezek. 33:8; see also 3:18). (Location 1121)

The objection that the doctrine of Predestination discourages all motives to exertion, is based on the fallacy that the ends are determined without reference to the means. It is not merely a few isolated events here and there that have been foreordained, but the whole chain of events, with all of their inter-relations and connections. (Location 1128)

Family worship isn’t a full-on church service every day; instead it’s a brief time of devotion before the Lord. The elements are singing, Scripture reading, and prayer. (Location 1141)

sing together, pray together, and read the Scriptures together. (Location 1142)

Write down prayer requests for the week and pray through them, tracking the ways in which God answers. (Location 1152)

Find a time that will allow you to be consistent and stick to it. (Location 1157)

Do, I say, but seriously and frequently reflect on, and act as persons that believe such important truths, and you will no more neglect your family’s spiritual welfare than your own. No, the love of God, which will then be shed abroad in your hearts, will constrain you to do your utmost to preserve them: and the deep sense of God’s free grace in Christ Jesus (which you will then have) in calling you, will excite you to do your utmost to save others, especially those of your own household. (Location 1165)

leading a wife is the foundation upon which a man’s shepherding ministry in the home is built. (Location 1178)

the first step for a man shepherding his family is to shepherd his wife. (Location 1185)

“Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.” (Location 1209)

The husband is to work actively and purposefully toward his wife’s sanctification. (Location 1228)

let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (Location 1251)

Many men live under the faulty assumption that true marital bliss consists of being in a relationship with a woman who causes him little or no grief. As a result, many marriages find themselves in peril due to a failure to view their relationship as a sanctifying work. (Location 1261)

God also gave us marriage for the purpose of illustration. (Location 1277)

Christ’s example is the blueprint that shows every family shepherd what his role is in marriage. (Location 1284)

The goal is not self-gratification, but self-sacrifice with a view toward sanctification of the bride to the glory of the Father. (Location 1295)

The family shepherd who gives himself to the task of honoring God in his marriage can be assured of God’s aid in the process, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Location 1298)

When I know that God designed the marriage covenant to sanctify both me and my wife, to paint a picture on earth of the relationship between Christ and his church and to bring forth a generation of kingdom citizens who will know and follow hard after God, then my perspective is altered completely. (Location 1301)

A man’s role as the priest, prophet, provider, and protector of his household, as the discipler of his children, and as the visionary who blazes a trail for his family to follow flow from his role as a husband. (Location 1307)

family shepherds would do well to change the way they look at who they are. And while we should all start with our relationship to God through his Son, Jesus Christ, our earthly identity should center much more around our role as family shepherds than around our role on the job. (Location 1318)

Are we as men going to be defined by our careers or by our families? (Location 1328)

What we’re really discussing here is the context wherein we live out our identification with Christ. (Location 1332)

most men in our culture default to their careers. This is what determines where and when they move their families, how far away they live from extended family, the kind of church they attend (and how frequently), the lifestyle they enjoy, and the level of involvement they have in the discipleship of their children. (Location 1337)

“My wife and I entered a covenant relationship designed to bring forth, train, and launch a generation of godly offspring, and that’s going to direct all the rest of my decisions.” This isn’t to say men should slack off at work. It is, however, to say that they should not slack off at home (something we almost never hear). (Location 1340)

see myself first and foremost as Bridget’s husband, and as her partner in raising, training, and launching arrows into the next generation. (Location 1365)

our careers exist to serve our families (1 Tim. 5:8), not the other way around. (Location 1369)

the life of our first parents had a unified spiritual trajectory afterward as the entirety of redemptive history hinges on God’s pronouncement in Genesis 3:15 and the coming Messiah who would reverse the curse. (Location 1380)

And for those who argue that the Great Commission would also negate such an emphasis on our marriages—not so fast! Remember, the very foundation upon which marriage is built is the relationship between the Redeemer and his redeemed (Eph. 5:22–32). It is not in my career, but in my marriage that I portray and proclaim these truths. (Location 1387)

He should view his career as a means by which he can bring honor to God as he applies himself to the pursuit of truth and beauty in the application of his gifts, talents, and abilities in the kingdom of man. (Location 1400)

three reasons that make prioritizing our children over our marriage both foolish and dangerous. First, our children will eventually leave home—and if they’re the foundation of our family, then their departure will mean our family’s demise. Second, our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security. Finally, one of our primary goals is to prepare our children for marriage. (Location 1420)

The greatest source of security our children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between their parents. (Location 1438)

As I often remind myself concerning my wife, “She’s not just mine; she’s me. She’s bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh (Gen. 2:23); she’s my body (Eph. 5:28–29), and I am her head (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23). We are one (Eph. 5:31; see also Gen. 2:24); and our union is a blessing to our children (1 Cor. 7:14). (Location 1455)

“In the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings . . . the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction.” (Location 1571)

The Bible makes it clear that Christ is equal to the Father in every way (John 1:1; 5:18; 10:33; 2 Cor. 4:4; Phil. 2:6; Col. 1:15, 19; 2:9), and yet there is headship even in the Trinity—a point that Paul brings in as he also discusses the headship of husbands in the home: I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Cor. 11:3) (Location 1573)

Satan’s subtlety is that he knew the created order God had ordained for the good of the family, and he deliberately defied it by ignoring the man and taking up his dealings with the woman. Satan put her in the position of spokesman, leader, and defender. (Location 1604)

Your children desperately need to understand not only the external “what” they did wrong, but also the internal “why” they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside out. (Location 1733)

this takes us beyond our child’s need for right behavior to their need for a right heart and right character. (Location 1747)

orthodoxy. A true family shepherd must be a man of the Word—a man of theology and doctrine. The man who desires to lead the family he loves must also be a true lover of the Lord’s Word. (Location 1766)

there’s nothing more “real” or more consequential than the fact that our children are immortal souls who must stand one day before God. (Location 1797)

When you look into the eyes of your children, do you mostly see a future doctor, lawyer, or linebacker? Or do you see a person who’ll spend eternity in either heaven or hell? Do you see a soul that must bow the knee to Christ? (Location 1799)

We must “instruct them,” so that, as Wesley put it, we “take care that every person who is under our roof have all such knowledge as is necessary to salvation” (Location 1817)

We must be diligent to charge them repeatedly with the things of God. (Location 1885)

your works will more work upon your children than your words; (Location 1888)

your patterns will do more than your precepts, your copies more than your counsels.12 (Location 1889)

It will be impossible for you to infuse any good into your children if you appear void of that good yourselves. (Location 1893)

the way you handle your own sin and failings is part of what you’re to model before your children. (Location 1904)

I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. (Location 1942)

Family shepherds are responsible for restraining the sin in their children. (Location 1947)

the most important thing for a family shepherd to do—when he’s evaluating how he’s leading his family—is to ensure they’re healthy members of a healthy church. (Location 2150)

sharing life together in identifiable communities, (Location 2182)

The people of God gather together and bear witness to the truth while simultaneously exposing falsehood. This ought to be the goal of every believer. Moreover, it ought to be a legacy every father desires to pass on to his children. (Location 2193)

There’s an unfortunate tendency among some fathers who grasp the magnitude of their responsibilities in discipling their families to overcorrect when it comes to the question of biblical jurisdictions. As a result, they expend much time, energy, effort, and resources in attempting to do alone what God has called us to do together in the church. (Location 2241)

Healthy membership in a healthy church is the foundation upon which the rest of our lifestyle evaluation is built. (Location 2266)

A healthy church will expose us to the regular teaching, preaching, reading, and singing of the Word of God that will shape the way we think about all other aspects of life. Genuine relationships with other believers will help bring us balance as we share life together. Mature men and women in the church will gently call us out when we go off the deep end. Elders who are functioning biblically will get to know us and our families, becoming familiar with our strengths, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, and needs. (Location 2267)

A family shepherd has a duty to model for his family and lead them in a manner that brings honor to the Lord. This must include the way he chooses to make a living. (Location 2362)

If we’re not purposeful, the cultural inertia will make it impossible to live meaningful lives. (Location 2394)

Every family shepherd ought at least to consider how he and his family can be involved in carrying out the church’s Great Commission (Matt. 28:18–20). We must also keep in mind that God calls some men to serve in capacities that extend beyond their own families. (Location 2463)

One of the benefits of raising up family shepherds is that the home (as we’ve discussed) is a training and proving ground for church leadership. As men teach the Scriptures, lead family worship, catechize, and disciple in their homes, God may indeed open their eyes to a broader calling. (Location 2473)

For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. (Location 2519)

Regardless of the extenuating circumstances, a single mother must recognize that the primary responsibility for shepherding her family lies with her. (Location 2597)

the church is limited in what it can and cannot do for families. The day-to-day discipleship of children is outside those limits. (Location 2620)

The issues outlined in this book are of a day-to-day nature. This is something that requires the kind of ongoing access, which would be impossible (and quite inappropriate) for the church. What can the church be expected to accomplish on a weekly basis compared to the daily pursuits (Location 2622)

Godly, older men and women in the church, plus godly, manly elders, as well as biblically functioning homes all serve together as a tremendous environment and support for the fatherless. (Location 2653)