Living in Community from the Proverbs

Last month we talked about Friendship.

• One-to-one relationships with others.
• For those of you who were here last month, now would be a good time to check in with yourself: did you reach out to a friend over the last month? Have you taken steps to walk in the wisdom of friendship?
  • Remember we're not here to "hear a nice talk" - we're here to have our lives transformed by CONFORMING OUR LIVES to the wisdom of the Scriptures.
    • THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN TO YOU PASSIVELY - the Holy Spirit doesn't DO WISDOM TO YOU.
    • It requires obedience / action

This month's topic is the twin of Friendship: community.

• Community is our relationship to and within a larger group that we are woven into.
• These two topics are interwoven, yet distinct. You should be in community AND you should have friends. It's possible to have one without the other, but you should have BOTH.
• But many Proverbs apply in both cases.

Proverbs has a lot to say on the topic of how to relate to others.

• But we won't be able to understand it unless we get familiar with how life was lived, the context in which the wisdom is given.
• In fact, we might misapply it, and think "I'm good!"
  • "I don't struggle with any of this."

Proverbs advice is HOW TO LIVE IN COMMUNITY but the first question you need to ask is AM I LIVING IN COMMUNITY.

• This is a huge challenge for us, because many Americans have NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT right now. Not experientially, anyways.
  • Americans long for Community, but like Friendlessness, Loneliness is the most common American experience
    • Look no further than the most popular TV shows of the last few years:
      • Cheers - where everybody knows your name
      • Friends -
      • Seinfeld - bursting into each other's apartments unannounced, eating together at the diner, always talking through life
      • Community -
      • Parenthood -
        • always in each other's house, in each other's business, sharing victories and heartache
    • If you were to watch some of our television shows, you might think that Americans live in these tight-knit communities
  • About two decades ago, Chinese philosopher visited America for six months, traveled from coast to coast, spent time in cities and towns, talking to farmers and professors, chief executives and gas station clerks. Here's his excerpt from his report:
    • “The real cell of society in the United States is the individual,” he finds. This is so because the cell most foundational to society, “the family, has disintegrated.” Meanwhile, in the American system, “everything has a dual nature, and the glamour of high commodification abounds. Human flesh, sex, knowledge, politics, power, and law can all become the target of commodification.” This “commodification, in many ways, corrupts society and leads to a number of serious social problems.” In the end, “the American economic system has created human loneliness” as its foremost product, along with spectacular inequality.
• I'm going to try to help you self-diagnose, to help the fish see the water.
  • Imagine this Chinese person who is sent to understand us Westerners, and this is his takeaway. This is where we live.
• For many, living on a college campus in a dorm is the closest experience you may have had of community:
  • You literally shared your room and bathroom with others.
  • You took your meals at a common eating place.
  • You ran into the same people again and again on campus.
  • You took classes and studied (worked) together.
  • You celebrated together and participated in the same activities - sporting events, etc
  • Even if you didn't experience this, you can probably imagine this college campus experience... it's memorialized in our movies and TV shows from
• There's always one recluse living on campus. Imagine him or her for a minute.
  • Spends all their time in their room alone.
  • Doesn't talk to their roommates at all, even when they come in. Always has headphones on.
  • Walks across campus avoiding eye contact, not stopping to talk to anyone.
  • Doesn't participate in literally any events.
  • Eats alone.
  • Perhaps spends all their time playing video games or watching TV/movies, browsing the internet.
  • Perhaps has internet friends, but no friends on campus.
  • They go to class, they do the work, but they study alone.
• Take a moment to reflect on your life: does your life RIGHT NOW look more like the actively engaged college student or a campus recluse?

The Israelites lived communally because they didn't have a choice. The setting of Proverbs is a setting of forced interdependence:

• Economically, they must work with and buy goods from one another
  • Think back on your last 5 purchases. What is the name of the person you purchased them from?
    • Think back further - can you remember purchasing something from someone you know?
  • This would have been EVERY DAY for the Israelites.
• The Congregation / Assembly would have been the ENTIRE community
  • There's only ONE church and everyone is there. Synagogue would have been a regular feature of life that everyone participated in.
    • Do you know all the Christ-followers in Fuquay? When do we all get together?
• Much of Proverbs is about "reputation" - what is known of you. How to maintain a good reputation and avoid a bad reputation.
  • Do you have a reputation "in the city"?
  • Are you "known at the city gates"?

Example of what I mean about us MISREADING Proverbs

• "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you." (REPEAT)
  • Prov 25:17
• Raise your hand if you've been in one of your neighbors' houses
  • 2, 3, 4, 5, 6?
  • Keep 'em up!
  • Look how many of you are living according to this Proverb!
• We might read that and say "I'm good, I've never been in any of my neighbors' houses!"
  • This Proverb ASSUMES you will be spending a lot of time in one another's houses and it's saying don't overstay your welcome.
  • Another implication of this Proverb is "don't always spend time in your neighbors house, but invite them to yours sometime."

Our culture values autonomy (I can decide for me!) and independence. Here's what Proverbs has to say about that:

• You deciding on your own is a DISASTER:
  • "Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered." 27:26
  • "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." 14:12, 16:15
  • "A man's steps are from the Lord, how then can man understand his way." 20:24
• Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is FOOLISHNESS (against sound judgment)
  • "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment." 18:1

Fortunately, many of you are already a member of a community.

• You are not just an American. You are also a Christian. The Church is a Community.
  • Church without community is an oxymoron. We are the BODY OF CHRIST.
  • We are a MEMBERSHIP. Members OF one another.
• This is why "church-hopping", church splits, church drama are so poisonous (and relatedly, Protestantism)
  • If I "protest", I can separate myself and "seek my own desire"
  • Probably should pursue a parish system

How do you become more embedded in community?

• Ask for help from "neighbors"
  • Instead of going to YouTube or Google, call a friend. Technology as a substitute for relationship is destroying our society.
    • ChatGPT is just making this worse.
    • The Chinese report was written before the internet, before Facebook, before YouTube - do you think things are better or worse than when he wrote?
• Buy/trade/make goods from neighbors
  • Intentionally purchase whatever you can from people you know.
  • Does your friend have a business? Patronize them!
  • Get to know the owner of the local Fuquay restaurants and coffee shops.
• Seek counsel
  • Do not follow your own mind. Seek counsel about every decision.
  • Are you thinking about changing jobs? Ask for wisdom. Are you considering a major purchase decision? Ask. Is one of your children struggling with something? Ask for help!
• Enter their houses, welcome them into yours
  • Find excuses to have your neighbors over for meals.
• Spend your labor on them
  • Work with and for the people around you. Help your neighbors with projects.
• Never eat alone.
  • You have 21 meals a week. See how many of those you can share with another person.

We're going to dive into some specific advice from Proverbs on HOW to live in Community

• For the rest of the time I want to ground the term NEIGHBOR in two spheres:
  • The 5-10 houses or apartments closest to you: your literal, immediate neighbors
  • The other members of Redeemer Community Church

Living in community is challenging - how to maintain relationships

• Three things to watch out for: SEX, MONEY and LIES.
• Don't covet your neighbor's wife (sex)
• Don't gossip (lies)
  • "A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club, or a sword, or a sharp arrow." 25:18
  • "Do not plan evil against your neighbor, who dwells trustingly beside you." 3:27
  • "The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no mercy in his eyes." 21:10
  • "Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent." 11:12
    • use speech for building up
  • "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." 16:28
  • "Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. Do not say, 'I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.'" 24:29
  • "What your eye has seen do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame? Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveals another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end." 25:8-10
• Instead, overlook offenses:
  • "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." 17:9
• Don't co-sign on loans (gift money instead) (money)
  • My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, have given your pledge for a stranger, 2 if you are snared in the words of your mouth, caught in the words of your mouth, 3 then do this, my son, and save yourself, for you have come into the hand of your neighbor: go, hasten, and plead urgently with your neighbor. 4 Give your eyes no sleep and your eyelids no slumber; 5 save yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the hand of the fowler. 6:1-5
  • Whoever puts up security for a stranger will surely suffer harm, but he who hates striking hands in pledge is secure. 1:15
    • Repeated 7 times
• Honest, plain speech (flattery)
  • "With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor, but by knowledge the righteous are delivered" 11:9
  • "Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing." 27:14
  • "A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet." 29:5
• Don't overextend your welcome (annoyance)
  • "Do not say to your neighbor 'Go and come again, tomorrow I will give it' - when you have it with you." 3:28

• Ask for help from "neighbors"
• Buy/trade/make goods from neighbors
• Seek counsel
• Enter their houses, welcome them into yours
• Spend your labor on them

• Church-hopping is poisonous

• Don't gossip (lies)
• Don't overextend your welcome (annoyance)
• Don't co-sign on loans (gift money instead) (money)
• Honest, plain speech (flattery)
• Don't covet your neighbor's wife (sex)

gossip

lying

taking advantage

surety

be kind

The setting for Proverbs is radically different than our culture.

Imagine for a moment with me:

• You are born into a people with a unique cultural identity
• Beyond that, your born into

you buy everything from a 1-mile radius around you

you can't travel more than a few miles a day

messages take days to deliver to the nearest town or village

"packages" take weeks to months

The Assembly

The Congregation

The City Gates

• Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. 27:26

• Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. 18:1